Well, this was a strange week. We hope to return to normalcy—politics!—very shortly. The usual weekday suspects will be here for you tomorrow so do check back. As always, thank you for your continued support of Deadspin.
Steve Smith had himself a totally average day: 41 yards receiving and one touchdown. But it’s what you do with yourself after the touchdown that counts—and did Smith ever do stuff with himself after the touchdown. Following a 19 yard reception in the second quarter Steve did this little (???) dance you see here.
Tampa Bay Rookie Doug Martin Just Put In One Of The Best Rushing Performances Of All Time
Image via Getty
His four touchdowns sets a Tampa Bay Bucs franchise record, his 250 yards made him tied for number ten on the all-time single game rushing yards list, his three touchdown runs for 45 yards or more—he went for 70, 63 and 45—made him the first ever to accomplish that feat in a game. And the runs were, as you might expect, some grown-man stuff:
The Giants Have Gotten Some Favorable Calls Today, So Naturally The Fix Is In Because Of Hurricane Sandy
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Whenever a call goes against a fan’s—or degenerate gambler’s—chosen team, he or she needs answers more palatable than “the refs messed up.” One of those reasons is always that the fix is in. In times of natural disaster or other hearstring-tugging moments it only makes more sense to these people. The idea being that it makes for a good story because if the team located in a recently ravaged area gets a win it will…somehow make things nicer for the people in that area and those in charge of officiating the game somehow care about that? I don’t know, we’re talking about people who paint their chests and/or willfully agree to part with large sums of money based on the outcome of a sporting event.
So, when the Giants got a few friendly calls against the Pittsburgh Steelers, most glaringly a questionable fumble recovery touchdown before the end of the half, it was of course because the NFL wanted the Giants to win so people in the New York area could forget about their house-turned-houseboat.
Williams Jr., a speedy outfielder, was drafted in the sixth round in 2008 and became a problem when former manager Ozzie Guillen felt son Ozney should have been picked higher in a later draft. It helped sour the relation between Guillen and Williams Sr.
Rick Hahn, just hired as Ken Williams’s replacement on the south side after Williams Sr. was promoted to Executive Vice President of the White Sox, has made his first trade: dealing Ken Williams Jr. away to the Rockies.
Terry Bradshaw Says Reggie Bush Was Chasing A Bucket Of Chicken
It goes without saying that Terry Bradshaw is not very bright. So it is much more plausible that this is a case of an idiot doofus that FOX allows to speak unscripted on live television in a vomit of words unwittingly comparing Reggie Bush running with some strange chasing after a bucket of chicken reference that perhaps only he and Jimmy Johnson understand than it is that Terry Bradshaw is a racist. Still, it happened.
You know it’s bad when the typically chock full of chuckles Curt Menefee is audibly groaning for what feels like an eternity.
Madness in Indy: Andrew Luck had the most single-game passing yards ever for a rookie with 433 (and two touchdowns to boot), refs were yelling church swears on open mics, and the Colts just wrapped it up on a day when two rookie quarterbacks combined for 723 yards through the air. The best part of that video, by far, is the announcer’s reaction. Oooooh!
If you’re hungry for more comical referee ineptitude, go check out SB Nation’s wonderful GIF of the ref in the Redskins-Panthers game hitting the deck like a ton of bricks after a gently tossed ball doinks him right in the face.
Liverpool Fans Get Drenched When Faulty Sprinkler Goes Off At Halftime
"You know what would be fun? A football match," one might say to a friend. "Let’s get tickets and go," a friend might respond. "It’ll be a nice day and there would be absolutely no chance of us getting soaked to the bone by some random, malfunctioning sprinkler positioned right at the edge of the pitch and facing the stands, a hypothetical mess only compounded by officials just standing there watching it all happen," the two stupidly assume.
Halftime of the Liverpool-Newcastle match (a match that ended in a 1-1 draw) is yet another cautionary tale of the pitfalls one encounters when one assumes.
Brian Urlacher Returns Interception 46 Yards For A Touchdown
Thanks to the folks at SB Nation, here is the Chicago defense once again upstaging the offense. Urlacher intercepted Hasselbeck with 2:49 left in the first quarter to give the Bears a 21-2 lead (they began the day with a blocked punt return touchdown) Chicago leads 31-5 at halftime.
The Brooklyn Nets' New Mascot Basically Has The Same Name As A Porn Star
When the Nets left New Jersey, they left their old mascot, Sly, a wolf or rabbit or something, in New Jersey, along with Shawne Williams and the ghost of Kerry Kittles. The arena is new, the location is new, the mascot is new: the Nets now have BrooklyKnight (spelled like that, pronounced “Brooklyn Knight,” or “Brooklyn Night,” if you will). That’s the same name a musician named Sene. (spelled like that, with the period) used for a song recently and he’s not thrilled about the overlap. But there may be a bigger problem afoot: if the Nets want young fans to Google their fun new mascot, BrooklyKnight—and hey, they commissioned a comic book for his introduction and everything, that’s what mascots are for—they’d better hope those kids are careful spellers with strict safety settings on their computers.
If not, they may encounter the phonetically identical Brooklyn Night, an actress from Las Vegas, Nevada.
Here's A Missed Field Goal Returned 109.9 Yards For A Touchdown
Sharyland high school did not necessarily need this remarkable feat of balance and hand-eye coordination to defeat the Edinburg North Cougars—the final score was 48-7 in favor of Sharyland—but it was certainly fun to watch.
In the first quarter of Friday night’s game between the two Mission, Texas high schools, Sean Landez took Edinburg’s missed 44-yard field goal the farthest it could possibly be returned (without getting into millimeters, I suppose), easily dwarfing his 95-yard opening kickoff return from just six minutes earlier.
We’ve got you covered this afternoon for a full slate of NFL games including big time rivalries like the Browns and Ravens. If that’s not your cup of tea, try out the “Suck for Luck” participants reacquainting after their race to the bottom from a year ago. Or just try coffee.
Report: The NFL Has Voided Sean Payton's Contract With The Saints
Picture via the AP
The hits just keep on coming for the Saints, and if fans were aggrieved before (and they were), they’ll be apoplectic this morning: Adam Schefter reports that the NFL has voided Sean Payton’s contract extension with New Orleans from last year, making one of the best and most respected coaches in the league a free-agent when he’s allowed to return to pro football after this season. According to Schefter, the decision has inspired “speculation in league circles that he could wind up returning to Dallas,” where Payton was an assistant coach for three years.
Fun (?) With Sporting Events As Predictors Of Election Results
Desperate to know how this Tuesday’s election will turn out? Uninterested in complicated mathematics that can predict the winner with a fairly high degree of accuracy? Superstitious or just simple-minded? Can we interest you in…a series of sports-related coincidences?!
Consider what we are teaching young people from the following cases involving Pop Warner football, which have arisen lately. In Florida nine men were arrested last week for running a gambling ring centering on youth football. The arrests came after an 18-month investigation and the findings were shocking. Authorities learned that South Florida Football League coaches and team affiliates would set bets before the games. 30,000 kids play in those Leagues. Their ages range from FIVE years old to 15. When the Super Bowl for this youth League played, the pot was more than $100,000. They were betting in the open, exchanging money in the stands, clearly visible by other parents, coaches, the kids, and police officers working the events who did nothing. They bet on individual plays, developing scores, and dozens of other side bets. An ESPN “Outside the Lines” undercover crew caught it all on tape.
How did betters attempt to influence the outcome? By bribing and paying the young players. Players would paid thousands of dollars after a particularly pleasing game. I saw one young player interviewed who described a gambling coach walking up to him on the sideline before a kickoff return telling him what he could earn for a touchdown return, and then paid him on the sideline when he broke free for 99 yards.
— Gambling rings, bounties, ex-con coaches, local governments sweeping it all under the rug—if you didn’t already know, Pop Warner football is pretty messed up.
Andray Blatche Ran Out Of Gas On A New Jersey Highway After The Nets Game Last Night
The Nets won their home-opener in Brooklyn last night amidst chants from a capacity crowd. The win itself was a little lackadaisical—remember how everyone wondered whether Deron Williams would go back to defending his position now that the Nets are good? Kyle Lowry had 28, 8 and 8—but it was a win, and Nets newcomer Andray Blatche contributed seven points and two rebounds in his 15 minutes off the bench. Good start! Then, in both typical Andray Blatche fashion and, for the moment, typical tri-state area fashion, Andray ran out of gas in New Jersey on his way home.
Alabama Escapes Death (Valley): Angling For Three, A Screen Pass Goes For 28 Yards And Wins It
Picture via Getty
A great game that looked like an upset deep into the fourth quarter—if you go by point spread, was something of an upset even after the final buzzer—turned into another in a long string of Alabama victories, as the Crimson Tide won 21-17 and moved to 9-0 (6-0 SEC) on the season.
Up 17-14, Les Miles went for a 45-yard field goal on 4th and 6 at the Alabama 28. The miss gave Alabama the ball with 1:34 on the clock and AJ McCarron—rarely called upon to do much late-game gunslinging—completed three consecutive passes to Kevin Norwood for a combined 44 yards. Verne Lundquist and Gary Danielson were convinced the LSU defense had given too much space to Norwood and the Alabama offense—until the defense got aggressive, expecting that Alabama was angling to get a closer field goal and tie the game. The Tide burned them on a screen pass—McCarron to T.J. Yeldon for 28 yards—that would eventually prove the difference.
Basketball resumed this week, and unless you are a Houston Rockets fan, who cares. The T-Wolves at Milwaukee just ain’t opening day at Wrigley. The Nuggets flailing in Philadelphia simply isn’t the first drop of the puck in Detroit or Boston or Montreal. I once lived in a house with some Steelers fans who went approximately insane at the start of the NFL season. One, upon seeing the fireworks to open the first game, ran to a weight bench and started pounding out chest-presses as fast as he could in raw mad glee.
The NBA, though, transitions meekly from preseason to games that allegedly count.
No actual DUAN! here, but we wanted to put a song here, remind you of LSU-Alabama (8.p.m., CBS), and tell you to put on Pitt-ND if you didn’t already know (NBC). Notre Dame just fumbled in their own endzone during the second overtime. UPDATE: Third overtime. UPDATE #2: Dang.
To get ready for Alabama at LSU, look at this picture of a freshly-painted LSU-wagon (i.e, totally messed up Lamborghini) and read this story about recidivist LSU-grad Jordan Jefferson speaking to this year’s Tigers. And hey—let’s hope USC steals one, just to mess with Floyd Mayweather’s bottom line a little.
The Brooklyn Nets’ home opener is also tonight, if your power was recently restored and you want to see some guys in new uniforms. Check your local listings, watch this space for more stuff tonight and tomorrow, and thank you for your continued support of Deadspin. — Isaac
In a cosmic sense, that’s probably true, and we admire Brandon’s stoicism. Short term, though, that tweet from just after the game turned out to be wrong: Rush had gone down awkwardly after a foul on a dunk attempt, and an MRI today revealed a torn ACL. After playing in only two games, he’ll miss the rest of the season. Luckily, Rush has a two-year deal, so he’ll have an opportunity to prove his worth in Golden State, but it’s still a raw deal for a player we like and a team that deals with more than its fair share of injuries.
Idaho Football's Last Season In The WAC Is Not Going Great
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Idaho petitioned the Idaho State Board of Education for the right to leave the WAC—which will likely cease football-related operations next year—and continue playing FBS football as an independent in 2013, joining teams like BYU, Army and Navy. The right was granted, and Idaho saved its football team. Uh…good?
Idaho is 1-7 overall, 1-2 in conference play, and currently losing to San Jose State. In late October, the University of Idaho made Robb Akey the first FBS football coach fired this season after he posted a 20-50 in five-and-a-half seasons and the Vandals started no better this year. The interim they promoted, Jason Gesser, was coaching high school football two years ago, and running backs at Idaho last year. According to the Spokesman-Review of Spokane, “Gesser admitted Monday that he had been so preoccupied with everything swirling around him that he wasn’t sure what type of offense [Saturday opponent] San Jose State runs.” It gets worse!
Speaking of Money Mayweather, Floyd bet $1.1 million (to make a million!) on Oregon in tonight’s game against USC. (CORRECTION: See below.) Expect USC to trot out a previously unknown fifth-year senior named C. Jackson. h/t Justin
(Meanwhile, you can text REDCROSS to 90999 to donate $10 to Hurricane Sandy relief efforts.)
Correction: This is actually a betting slip for the October 18 game Oregon played against Arizona State. So, good news, maybe Floyd Mayweather won’t be made any richer by an Oregon win tonight. Bad news—he already won this one. Donate to the Red Cross anyway.)
Chris Kluwe Leaves The Pioneer-Press After The Paper Publishes An Anti-Gay Marriage Editorial
Friend of Deadspin, Minnesota Vikings punter, and muse for confused idiots Chris Kluwe put his platform where his mouth is today and told the St. Paul Pioneer-Press (for whom he’d been blogging) to fuck off after they published an anti-gay marriage editorial this week.
Late Contender For Most Infantilizing Headline Of The Year: "Dez Bryant Stays Out Past Midnight"
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That’s sitting atop this piece on ESPN—it’s on ESPN’s frontpage headline feed as “Cowboys’ Bryant gets permission to be out late”—about Dez Bryant’s 24th birthday, which is tomorrow. Dez has been living under strict rules, enforced by Cowboys employees and personal advisers, ever since he assaulted his mother in July. Now? This was the first time he’s gone out in months, and he couldn’t stay out long.
It sounds like Dez kept mostly to himself, hung out with friends, and stayed away from anyone who might be newly unemployed or mentally unbalanced. Except for, you know, part of the time:
A photo placed on twitter claimed Bryant, former Dallas Mavericks guard Delonte West and free agent forward JoshHoward were at a Dallas nightclub. The photo was later taken down by a DJ who goes by the twitter handle of DJklassik.
Makes sense. Both of those guys are usually too zonkedout to stay up much past midnight anyway.
So here’s Sports Illustrated’s weekly Sign of the Apocalypse:
A fan in Detroit — who confirmed he was serious — placed an ad on Craigslist offering to trade his house for World Series tickets.
Yeah, whoa, that’s totally nuts. But without dancing around this week, Deadspin is going to humbly submit the following as our Sign of the Apocalypse:
Hurricane Sandy, the largest Atlantic hurricane ever recorded, blitzed the Eastern seaboard, making landfall near Atlantic City, N.J., and proceeding to smash the Jersey Coast, flood much of New York City, swamp the subway, close the financial markets, kill more than 100 Americans, destroy thousands of homes, leave millions without power and perhaps cost—might as well venture a guess, right?—somewhere in the neighborhood of $50 billion, equivalent to the annual GDP of Bulgaria. — Sam Eifling
Cavaliers owner Dan Gilbert now wishes he wouldn’t have guaranteed his team would win an NBA title before LeBron James.
When James left Cleveland for Miami as a free agent in July 2010, Gilbert famously promised in a letter to disappointed Cleveland fans that his Cavs would win a championship before James got one with the Heat.
Well, that ended in June when James, capping his third MVP season, led Miami to a finals win over Oklahoma City.
”Looking back now, that probably was not the most brilliant thing I’ve ever done in my life,” Gilbert said Tuesday.
- From an Associated Press story published this week. Remarkably, this means that his original guarantee was based in genuine belief that the Cavs (41-109 since LeBron left) would actually win a championship before the Heat. James won first, and now he realizes it was a mistake. It was obvious from day one! Just stick to your guns and keep guaranteeing it (“The Cavs will win the title before LeBron wins his next one!”) until it finally happens. He could issue new proclamations every year, in progressively stupider fonts! 2022, LeBron is retired, and Dan Gilbert is promising championships in wingdings. It would be Cleveland’s most exciting sports tradition.
Two Of Our Greatest Fighters Now Have Beef: 50 Cent And Floyd Mayweather Got Into It On Twitter Last Night
As ESPN notes, Floyd Mayweather and 50 Cent had a business deal in place—and a burgeoning friendship—not too long ago:
50 Cent, whose real name is Curtis Jackson, announced during Mayweather’s two-month summer incarceration for domestic abuse that he had formed TMT Promotions, which is short for “The Money Team” and is what Mayweather calls his entourage. 50 Cent and Mayweather were going to promote fights together, and 50 Cent also strongly hinted that the company would promote Mayweather’s fights instead of Golden Boy Promotions, which has been promoting Mayweather’s events since 2007.
Things changed. On Thursday, 50 tweeted, “TMT IS OVER the money team is no longer a team. So it SMS promotions that’s it thats all.” Then he said he was selling his Money Team sweatsuits for a dollar each—cold-blooded shit-talking. Since both 50 Cent and Floyd Mayweather are mature adults, however, they let the public nature of their feud cool down as they mulled an eventual reconciliation.
You go to a ballpark or amusement park or carnival and ask for some nachos, and you get a plastic tub with three compartments: a large one holding a fistful of tortilla chips, and smaller ones holding, respectively, molten cheese-food and a tablespoon of canned dog food that you are obliged to pretend is chili. You dip the chips in the toppings: a dunk in the chili, then a delicate maneuver in which you try to get some cheese onto the chili without the weight and surface tension of the pool of cheese pulling the chili off the chip altogether and creating a brown chili-cheese stew that somehow manages to diminish the appeal of both components. (Unless, of course, you’re one of these people who uses a plastic utensil to mount dip on a chip, which, I will have you know, is illegal in 48 states.) And apart from the uncomfortable sense that a grownup has no more business eating these things than leaping into the bouncy castle at a 6-year-old’s birthday party, they’re delicious.
Similarly, you go to your friendly neighborhood Tex-Mex chain and order nachos, and you get one of two things: either an ineffably sad plate of tortilla chips covered in slightly rubbery melted cheese and sliced jalapeños, or a tray containing the mulched remains of a trio of crunchy tacos that have been attacked by a chainsaw-wielding maniac. In either case, it’s abundantly clear that you’re not being served some ambitious culinary venture. Nachos, for better or worse, are just chow, for tasting good and eating a lot. And in either case, they’re delicious.
This is the wonderful thing about nachos (well, OK, the second wonderful thing, after eating them): When you’re working with tortilla chips and melty cheese, things can only ever get so bad. The worst plausible plate of nachos—bland cheese, stale chips, sharing them with Jim Gray—is still compulsively eatable to an absurd degree. And, sure, the converse is true—even the very best plate of nachos isn’t exactly the finest thing you’ll ever eat (unless, of course, you are a British person)—but unless you’re piling radioactive waste on your Tostitos, you’ll likely never have a truly bad nacho in your life.
Former ECW And WWE Wrestler Stevie Richards Has Political Aspirations, Is Insane
Via The Masked Man, former wrestler Stevie Richards has introduced the world to his ideals and policy recommendations (both soon to be ubiquitous in our political milieu) with a radio interview on VOC Wrestling Nation announcing his aspirations for state office. Richards spoke eloquently of his heightened civic concern after Hurricane Sandy, and explained the motivation behind his foray into politics:
Without going into conspiracy theories, new world order, or any of that other stuff, just don’t trust the government.
Rasheed Wallace never disappoints. At the end of the Knicks’ emotional victory over the Heat last night, ‘Sheed was roused from a fitful nap at the end of the bench by the crowd chanting his name, and coach Mike Woodson immediately subbing him in for his first minutes as a Knick. He looked out of shape, hit a three, and with zen detachment, offered “Brian Scalibrine role” as the new euphemism for a substitution during the loose giddiness of a blowout victory, replacing the shopworn ”victory cigar” for at least a night. Let’s hope it sticks—in the wake of his retirement, Scal’s earned a little recognition.
UPDATE: Video of the magical moment when Mike Woodson gave into the crowd:
These Assholes Are Flipping Off Cameras Because They're Mad That The Marathon Was Postponed
This picture via @AshleyKMayo, from the NYC Marathon track, where some runners are apparently jogging the official marathon route despite the postponement of tomorrow’s race. Mayo reports that other runners—following the marathon’s route today despite the marathon having been postponed for the express reason that, under the circumstances, running around in the park struck nearly everyone as wasteful and insensitive—“cheered and laughed” when they saw the pair pictured above. Mayo’s trenchant follow-up comment captured the situation well: ”What a bunch of dicks.”
Your Week 10 college football master schedule, via these guys and crosschecked with this one over here. Times (EST), rankings reflect the Coaches Poll, ranked teams in bold. If you notice any mistakes, let us know.
This Is The Lady With Whom Tim Tebow Is Not Having Sex
In a sense, Tim Tebow is not having sex with all women, but this—Camilla Belle, actress—is the particular woman with whom he’s not having sex on a daily basis, despite other outward appearances of a romantic relationship.
That’s it for the week. The usual crew will get you through the weekend, and by Monday, with any luck, we’ll be back in our old digs. Many thanks to Tumblr for hosting us while our servers went bobbing away in the general direction of Labrador, and many thanks to you for your continued support of Deadspin.
This Is The Best Sports Internet Rabbithole You Can Find
On this week’s excerpt from Slate’s Hang Up and Listen podcast, Stefan Fatsis found a place on the internet where you can waste so, so much time. Lucky’s Amazing Sports Lists. Go now, or some other time, when you have a big project to do. Lucky himself has an unusual story, too—the man is obsessive.
Here Is a List of People Bubba The Love Sponge's Ex-Wife Is Also Rumored To Have Had Sex With On Camera
The lady who allegedly humped Hulk Hogan on tape also allegedly humped several athletes on tape. Deion Sanders, Tony Stewart, and Warren Sapp are among the rumored names. So is Aubrey Huff. Yes, Aubrey Huff. Tampa’s weird.
After we posted a brief clip of Hulk Hogan’s sex tape last month, TMZ reported that there were three other tapes made. We actually heard there were more than that. Soon after the initial Hulk Hogan not-so-sex-filled “sex tape” was published on Gawker, a man who called himself “Jim Janerro” wrote to us. He claimed he had more footage of Bubba’s wife getting it on in the same bedroom with numerous other partners, including other scenes with her and Hogan. He said there were “lots of black guys” involved, too. “Jim” claimed he found the tapes in a box of promotional DVDs he purchased at the annual Bubba Army Garage Sale last year.
1. Until the last 10 minutes, Flight in large part resembles one of those tough, dark character studies they used to make in the ’70s, like The Gambler or The Verdict, in which we watch a man who has lost control of his life face external circumstances that give him one last chance to save himself. But we live in different times now. Those movies were willing to follow their lead character down into the depths and toss him out to sea without any assurance he will be rescued. Today, we need to know everything’s going to be OK. For about two hours, Flight is surprisingly ballsy for a mainstream Hollywood film. Then it loses its nerve. That, perhaps, was inevitable.
A Fully Redeemed Mark McGwire Will Be The Dodgers' Hitting Coach
It’s kind of weird to picture, this report from the Post-Dispatch's Joe Strauss. Mark McGwire leaving St. Louis to become the Dodgers’ new hitting coach, even turning down the Cardinals’ offer of a contract extension? It’s not just that McGwire has been wearing red for 15 years—sometimes we prefer to remember him in green and gold, or as a skinny kid in USA Baseball duds—it’s that we thought of him as still kind of…toxic?
The Detroit Pistons are about the embark on a six-game road trip, their longest of the season. In preparation, The Detroit News drew up a snazzy map, and Terry Foster put together some good info about start time, where to eat, what’s a cute connection to Michigan, etc.
Pretty standard stuff, until you get to Game 5 at Oklahoma City (emphasis added):